I know I haven’t been writing for about three years now. Going through teenage years you get distracted by parties, dances, boys and even shooting weapons. Yep, I said that right shooting weapons and sleeping in fox holes. Life has a funny way of playing out. People that I thought were going to be there forever gone. dreams of me being a future journalist gone. My love for writing disappeared and my love of money grew. Money is truly the root of evil. Working jobs that I hated and even letting someone take pictures of my feet for money was terrible. I felt worthless and I wasn’t close to God. I prayed and prayed and a thought why not go into the armed forces so I can escape everything. Being played by countless boys, disrespected at work and talked down by peers, I wanted to prove them wrong. I wasn’t scared to die, removing my 26 inch red bundles, popping off my fake nails, wiping off my make up; I was ready to go. I vividly remember the day my mother and father dropped me off with a random sergeant, his name starting with an a. I just know he was Hispanic and his military job was a MP, military police and he just graduated from ranger school. My parents were crying begging me to stay but God told me to go. I remember I didn’t cry because I was told that soldiers don’t cry. In the car on the way to the airport the sergeant played old country music. It was so depressing and emotional, I felt the tears in my eyes. I wanted to jump out the car at that moment but I didn’t want to prove them right. Momma didn’t raise no punk, I made a commitment, right? Wow… I want to get into my whole experience of basic combat training and my AIT but I’m just going to save that for another blog writing. Just know I made it and I want to pursue my dreams of writing and blogging again! I’m back and officially better. I hope to be writing more soon and hopefully start YouTube videos soon.
Have you ever felt like you have been holding on to someone or something and you were losing your self? Do you have those moments when you are too busy worrying than focusing on what’s really important? I know I do or I have been. I’ve been worrying this whole year on everything and everybody else that I forgot about myself. The world feels like its spinning and you can’t catch yourself. As human beings we worry about all type of things dealing with school, social life, sports, reputations and relationships. It’s hard trying to please your parents, teachers, coaches, friends, and maybe even your lil boo thing. While you’re trying to please the universe, do you please yourself? Are you satisfied with you? The period that you are making other people happy and meeting their standards for you, do you step back and meet your own standards? Since the summer began and the world seems like it’s moving slower, I had time to reflect and ask myself did I meet my own standards. You’re not really happy until you can make yourself happy. “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony,” Mahatma Gandhi said. So if you’re saying things or doing things and it’s not really coming from your heart, you’re not truly happy. I found myself putting on this false smile just trying to get by and get through certain situations. Maybe even biting my own tongue and not saying certain things just to not upset anybody or start a conflict. Doing what you’re expected to from people and living in repetition isn’t really living. Bust through those barriers. Do what you want do, say what you want to say and love who want to love. Just make sure it’s not illegal and bad consequences won’t come from it. You’ll find yourself happier on the inside and it will be apparent on the outside. 🙂 🙂
Well, my first story on this is going to be about finding your inner chi a.k.a your inner peace. Many of us don’t know our deeper self or where we stand as a whole, as an individual. Yes, it’s okay to be mad about things but instead of focusing on being mad, focus on the things, situations or people that are making you mad. Then remove them from your life or handle them. Have you ever seen somebody who has a cloud over them and their whole aura is messed up? It’s sad isn’t it? Being around them makes your skin itch and you suddenly have the urge not to even say anything because one word can start an awkward conversation. These are what I like to call Egg Shell people; you can’t talk to them without offending them or without them saying something negative. You have to walk on egg shells every time you discuss anything, like “How’s your mom?” You might get a response like, “why you worried, she ain’t sh*t, how’s your mf’n momma?” Stay far away as possible from those people they can be a drag on your personality and maybe even ruin your mood. Plus, recall the saying, ‘you are the company you keep.’ Finding your inner chi is simple but what is chi? Chi is the same thing as prana, which means energy or life force. Chi is what gives power to the oxygen in the air we breathe and the vitamins and minerals in the foods we eat. It is what we live off in air, food, sunlight, water, and even in our thoughts. Chi is basically the gift of life. So embrace your chi! Find it! Your chi should be focused on you, not anyone else. With social media it’s hard not to be wrapped up in every one’s business and drama. It’s hard to ignore certain things like somebody subtweeting or “snake dissin” but sometimes it’s important to fall back and ask yourself, am I really going to give this some of my Chi? When you give someone your energy you’re giving them some of your chi, which is basically you. You’re giving them the power to control you, your life and your thoughts! Take time out of your day to breathe in and out and say I am the only one who validates me and God. You know you better than anyone else. If you have to ask who am I? Get time to know yourself, take yourself on a date, figure out what you like and dislike and stop letting media’s minions tell you what you should like. Be at peace with your inner chi and happiness will eventually find you.
Love, Peace and Happiness 🙂